The VBAC Decision – Were you in a fog??

Posted on February 27, 2013 | Leave a comment

I recently read an article** that looked at a number of studies examining the way women felt about making the decision to either schedule a repeat cesarean section or plan for a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC).

As health care providers and birth workers, we should all know, and be comfortable teaching that VBAC is a safe and viable option for many women.  If given the opportunity for a trial of labor, 60-80% of women with previous cesarean sections will VBAC successfully.  In spite of the overwhelming evidence of the safety of VBAC, and even in the face of the 2010 NIH Consensus Statement suggesting that VBAC is safe, many women still are not given full and clear information about the option for VBAC.  The article that I read pointed out that women often feel like they are in a fog as it relates to the decision they have to make regarding whether to have a VBAC or a repeat c/section.

“The main results from our study shows that experiences of VBAC is like groping through the fog, where decision-making and information from the health care system and professionals, both during pregnancy and the birth, is unclear and contrasting. These findings are in line with Endozien’s statement that there is an unmet need for clinicians to provide sufficient information to women, so that the woman’s choice can be an informed one”

This is such a travesty.  The evidence exists.  Why isn’t the evidence being shared with women? Why do women feel like they are walking around in a fog?? We have to do better!! This is unfair, unnecessary, and an unfortunate reality of our complicated obstetrical system.

Did you have or want the opportunity to VBAC? What was that decision like for you? Did you feel like you were “groping through the fog?” I would love to hear your story….

** Groping Through the Fog -  A Metasynthesis of Women’s Experiences on VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Caesarean Section).  Ingela Lundgren, Cecily Begley, Mechthild M Gross, Terese Bondas - BMC Pregnancy Childbirth. 2012;12(85)

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Wordless Wednesday: Birth Herstory Conference – Get Registered!!

Birth Herstory Conference

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Posted on February 20, 2013 in Black Birth, Wordless Wednesday

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Monday Musing – The Universe Conspires

Posted on February 18, 2013 | 3 Comments

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
~ Paulo Coelho ~ The Alchemist

yes, Yes, YES…. I love it when the universe conspires in my favor! I think it happens more times than not for most of us and yet we don’t receive it because we shift the universal energy in another direction and before the blessing can fall from the sky, we send our lives on a detour away from our dreams without even knowing it. Let me tell you what I mean.

The other day I was texting with a friend a number of wonderful things happening in my life right now.  One of the texts I sent said… “The universe is conspiring in my favor and knowing that the window only stays open for so long I know I have to slide through it while it is open…”  While that IS the text that I sent, what I was about to send was a text that said… “The universe is forcing my hand…” Fortunately, before I could send that message, I realized that THIS statement/text  could have, in an instant, blocked my blessings for many years. This same type of blocking, self sabotage may be happening to you.  Why was I saying “forcing my hand?”  The things happening in my life are wonderful things I have wanted, envisioned, prayed about and meditated on… and now I wanna say I’m being forced?? Seriously??  The nerve of me!! LOL

I am certainly not a “Secret” guru nor a great student of the Law of Attraction but let me say this… No one,  and I mean NOBODY can prove to me that the laws of the universe, including the Law of Attraction are not in affect for us, ALL of us, all the time. The Universe does, and will continue to conspire for us in our favor bringing to us what we ask for and affirm, no matter if its “the Universe is conspiring in my favor”  OR  “the Universe is forcing my hand.” The latter sounds a lot less pleasant sending a message to the universe that I don’t like it and don’t want it.

“I remember the point in labor when I knew I just had to LET GO…”
I hear this all the time. Women who are having an empowering un-medicated birth often will say in that moment of realization, when they let go of  controlling the outcome, and shift to having faith in things happening the way they have envisioned it… That’s a beautiful space to be in and that’s when Birth… Magic… Blessings happen.

Whew… I’m happy I changed that text message :-) .  It can be a scary, revealing, empowering, exciting, spiritual, transformational, thing to experience the truth of the Universe….  When we Let Go and Let God… things happen in our lives and we move into the space to “Birth Something Beautiful”

Wanna know what has me so excited right now?? Check out this information about the upcoming Birth Herstory (#BirthHerStory) conference.

From the official website: “Birth Herstory is a FREE online annual conference uniting women of colour in celebration of Black History Month.  Join us on the Full Moon Monday February 25th 2013 and be inspired to grow and learn from one another in the area of pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding and motherhood!

13 amazing women have committed to sharing their expertise in a wide range of subjects all centered around mothering the beautiful woman of colour! Hear speakers such as Shafia Monroe, Nicole Deggins, Darline Turner, Kimberly Seals Allers and Latham Thomas share their best secrets to empower you to create the journey to motherhood of your dreams!

If you want to feel inspired, get information your care provider may not provide, feel like you are understood, and be part of this amazing community…then sister you’ve got to join us!”

This type of conference… featuring Black women talking about birth, sharing wisdom, and giving birth love…. I always knew there was someone else who saw the same vision I saw and Tanya is her!! I’m so excited about this conference and I hope you will join it. While the conference is free you must register.

You can’t force birth. You can’t force the timing of your dreams, desires, and blessings.  All we can do is speak it, believe it, scratch that….  KNOW it and then put in the work towards it and when it is time… we have to take a step back, Let Go and Let Birth and in that space… magic happens.

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Posted in Being Grateful..., Lessons from BIRTH, Monday Musings

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Celebrating Black Fatherhood

Posted on February 12, 2013 | Leave a comment

Last week in my great city of New Orleans we hosted this football game they call the Super Bowl.  Here in my space, we had what some might call a Super Bowl Party. It was a small family affair and as such there were children, babies, and of course since this was super bowl… there were FATHERS.

I took what I thought was a great pic and posted it as my Wordless Wednesday last week. To me it was a perfect pic to set up today’s Blog Post which is the first of many guest posts that I will be sharing on my blog this year.  That pic was a celebration of Black fatherhood and today’s guest post is a celebration of Black fatherhood.  Something we need to celebrate more often. Stop eating the stale cookies they keep cooking and feeding yall.  There are many Black men who love, cherish, and care for their children.  Below you will find the words of one of them.  He’s one of my tweeps @CoachKJMD2be

Celebrating Black Fatherhood…

This post is dedicated to an amazing man, my father figure and mentor, Dr. Ray Bignall.  Dr. Ray holds me accountable as a pre-med student and is one of the many voices encouraging me throughout my journey. For this, I am forever grateful.

Fatherhood is not something one is born into.  It is an ever evolving learning experience. It is a lifestyle choice that many men enjoy adding to their legacy. The influence of fathers is often discounted but there are many Black Men who are responsible fathers. If you walk into baby stores, you’ll find most products are geared towards mothers. This could be due to the notion that only mothers can be nurturing.

Images of Black fathers are usually riddled with stereotypes of absenteeism, irresponsibility, and listlessness. My brothers and I came together to share our experience as fathers from a Black Man’s perspective on Mr. Baggage, a blog for men. This is our way of eradicating the negative stereotypes linked to Black Men. My experience with fatherhood happens to be a joyful one.

10 years ago, the most beautiful moment happened in my life.  I became a father to a healthy baby boy. When I saw his face, I immediately knew that my life would drastically change. I was young but I knew I would always have an active role in his life.

My son came into this world 9lbs 7oz. He was beautiful aesthetically and his presence still creates a sense of calm in my life to this day. He was breastfed but his mother pumped milk and froze it to last for months so I could feed him alone. She had that skin to skin contact that baby’s need when they’re born. She experienced the mommy brain that connects a baby to mother immediately after delivery. This is where many men feel helpless. I challenge new fathers to get creative. Talk to your child in calm tones, share some things that you’d like to do with them in the future, hold your child to your chest. He or she can recognize you by your scent. This time will not only boost your morale but also helps your baby feel secure.

I valued these moments of alone time with my son. We shared a bond over cartoons (we still watch them together) and his mother’s pumped breast milk. I was there for his first doctor’s appointments. I saw his cord fall off. Watching him develop from newborn to toddler was amazing. I had never been that close to a baby before. This love I had for him was something I had never experienced in my own life. His face lit up when he heard my voice. He had heard it since he was in the womb.

This is something many Black Men don’t get to experience. I cherish this opportunity. I am grateful that his mama allows me to still have an active role in his life. If I could talk to a young father today, I would tell him to do what works for him. If you only have your child for the weekend, do as much as you can in this time. If your child asks you to watch them do something, stop what you’re doing and watch intently. Fatherhood has uncovered the following character traits for me: patience, determination, loyalty, and resilience.

Don’t lose sight of your chance to enjoy fatherhood engaging in polemics. Take care of your health, your child(ren) need you here in optimal health. If you come from a home void of stability, take the necessary steps you need to heal and start a new tradition. Effective parenting means many things to people. 10 years later, I’m still learning about myself through my son’s eyes. Remember, father’s day is every day. Celebrate!

Share some things you could never learn from a book about parenting below.

~ Kaleb ”Coach KJ” Hill is the CEO and founder of FitnessFleet, a health and wellness company. For more information, visit FitnessFleet online and on Twitter follow Kaleb at CoachKJMD2Be.

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Posted in Black Birth, Pregnancy & Birth

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Wordless Wednesday… What I saw at my Super Bowl Party

Superbowl Sunday

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Posted on February 6, 2013 in Black Birth

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Monday Musing… Being Off Time

Posted on February 4, 2013 | 4 Comments

The following is a post that could be considered late… delayed… or even post dates.  And yet in the end it’s right on time…. Close your eyes for a second, and imagine its December 31, 2012.

Tomorrow, per the Gregorian calendar, is the first day of 2013. Many people see this as a time of new beginnings, new birth, and recommitment.  There was a time when I made New Year’s resolutions and made plans each January to do something different in order to move my life along towards my goals.  These days I generally do resolutions/recommitments around my birthday. This year my birthday came and went quickly, with little fan fare, and as a result, with little resolution or recommitments.  I think subconsciously something about turning 40 had me in a strange place.  But I digress… Fortunately, I see each day as a new day, each week as a new week, each month as a new month and a new time to renew, to recommit.   There is, as they say, No time like the present so why do we wait until December 31/ January 1st to make changes in our lives???

Sooooo… THAT’s how my 2013 New Year’s post started 4 weeks ago.  As you can see it’s now 4+ weeks later and I am JUST getting around to posting on my blog.  One of my goals for 2013 was to get better with my blogging.  I wanted to post this in a timely manner.  I wanted to start 2013 off on time, with a blog post about time.  And in spite of my best efforts, here I am in the second month of the year FINALLY getting this post completed.  This brings me to the point of my post then (on December 31st) and now.  TIME, as we know it, is really all a farce designed to help us TRY to control that which is really out of our control.

I mean think about it… Our years, our days, our clocks have all been MANipulated.   The calculation of leap year has changed drastically over the centuries, every year we spring forward and fall back, and if you go to a country that is not based in Christianity, the years are completely different and it is NOT 2013.  When it comes to time, it all depends on who you ask, where you are and what you believe.  Who decided that THIS should mark MY new year?

Time, as we know it, truly is an illusion and it creates stress in many lives. It created stress for me as I felt like the time had passed for me to write a New Year’s post. But then I remembered that this is perfect timing. There is no deadline here.  Sometimes we have to learn that OUR time is not DIVINE time and its divine time and order that really make the difference.  Sometimes we have to learn to be patient, to wait, and to take things as they come.  This does not mean that we don’t move or take action.  It just means that sometimes we have to understand that OUR time is not the ONLY time nor is it necessarily the right time.  Sometimes we need to slow down and sometimes we even need to sit and wait. This is a lesson I am learning right now.  I used to live by the clock. I remember hearing the adage:  “To be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late, and to be late is unthinkable.”  I said it. I believed it.  And I lived by it.

These days I am learning that sometimes it’s okay to be off time.  What about you?? Do you ever get caught up in the web of time? Does it ever create stress in your life?  It’s okay to slow down. It’s okay to stretch out deadlines and watch things as they unfold.   It’s okay to take a break, to take a nap, to have a moment of silence and to enjoy the calm before the storm.

As with all things… birth has a lesson to teach us about time.  Babies come when they are ready if we allow them to.  Other blessings in our lives move in much the same way. When we force the process we often end up with a mess.  We have to learn patience. We have to have faith. We have to learn to keep a watchful eye while allowing things to unfold as they may. We have to be vigilant, ever ready to move when the time is right.  And sometimes… as any midwife knows… all you can do, need to do, have to do, is sit on your hands and allow time to tell.

Some may think this is late in coming but ummmmm Happy New Year!!??!! LOL
Here’s to a great year where every day is a new day to start anew and to Birth Something Beautiful.

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Posted in Lessons from BIRTH, Monday Musings

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Wordless Wednesday – Giving Thanks for a New Logo!!!!!!

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Posted on November 7, 2012 in Being Grateful..., Wordless Wednesday

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