Category Archives: Monday Musings

Monday Musing – The Universe Conspires

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
~
Paulo Coelho ~ The Alchemist

yes, Yes, YES…. I love it when the universe conspires in my favor! I think it happens more times than not for most of us and yet we don’t receive it because we shift the universal energy in another direction and before the blessing can fall from the sky, we send our lives on a detour away from our dreams without even knowing it. Let me tell you what I mean.

The other day I was texting with a friend a number of wonderful things happening in my life right now.  One of the texts I sent said… “The universe is conspiring in my favor and knowing that the window only stays open for so long I know I have to slide through it while it is open…”  While that IS the text that I sent, what I was about to send was a text that said… “The universe is forcing my hand…” Fortunately, before I could send that message, I realized that THIS statement/text  could have, in an instant, blocked my blessings for many years. This same type of blocking, self sabotage may be happening to you.  Why was I saying “forcing my hand?”  The things happening in my life are wonderful things I have wanted, envisioned, prayed about and meditated on… and now I wanna say I’m being forced?? Seriously??  The nerve of me!! LOL

I am certainly not a “Secret” guru nor a great student of the Law of Attraction but let me say this… No one,  and I mean NOBODY can prove to me that the laws of the universe, including the Law of Attraction are not in affect for us, ALL of us, all the time. The Universe does, and will continue to conspire for us in our favor bringing to us what we ask for and affirm, no matter if its “the Universe is conspiring in my favor”  OR  “the Universe is forcing my hand.” The latter sounds a lot less pleasant sending a message to the universe that I don’t like it and don’t want it.

“I remember the point in labor when I knew I just had to LET GO…”
I hear this all the time. Women who are having an empowering un-medicated birth often will say in that moment of realization, when they let go of  controlling the outcome, and shift to having faith in things happening the way they have envisioned it… That’s a beautiful space to be in and that’s when Birth… Magic… Blessings happen.

Whew… I’m happy I changed that text message :-) .  It can be a scary, revealing, empowering, exciting, spiritual, transformational, thing to experience the truth of the Universe….  When we Let Go and Let God… things happen in our lives and we move into the space to “Birth Something Beautiful”

Wanna know what has me so excited right now?? Check out this information about the upcoming Birth Herstory (#BirthHerStory) conference.

From the official website: “Birth Herstory is a FREE online annual conference uniting women of colour in celebration of Black History Month.  Join us on the Full Moon Monday February 25th 2013 and be inspired to grow and learn from one another in the area of pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding and motherhood!

13 amazing women have committed to sharing their expertise in a wide range of subjects all centered around mothering the beautiful woman of colour! Hear speakers such as Shafia Monroe, Nicole Deggins, Darline Turner, Kimberly Seals Allers and Latham Thomas share their best secrets to empower you to create the journey to motherhood of your dreams!

If you want to feel inspired, get information your care provider may not provide, feel like you are understood, and be part of this amazing community…then sister you’ve got to join us!”

This type of conference… featuring Black women talking about birth, sharing wisdom, and giving birth love…. I always knew there was someone else who saw the same vision I saw and Tanya is her!! I’m so excited about this conference and I hope you will join it. While the conference is free you must register.

You can’t force birth. You can’t force the timing of your dreams, desires, and blessings.  All we can do is speak it, believe it, scratch that….  KNOW it and then put in the work towards it and when it is time… we have to take a step back, Let Go and Let Birth and in that space… magic happens.

Monday Musing… Being Off Time

The following is a post that could be considered late… delayed… or even post dates.  And yet in the end it’s right on time…. Close your eyes for a second, and imagine its December 31, 2012.

Tomorrow, per the Gregorian calendar, is the first day of 2013. Many people see this as a time of new beginnings, new birth, and recommitment.  There was a time when I made New Year’s resolutions and made plans each January to do something different in order to move my life along towards my goals.  These days I generally do resolutions/recommitments around my birthday. This year my birthday came and went quickly, with little fan fare, and as a result, with little resolution or recommitments.  I think subconsciously something about turning 40 had me in a strange place.  But I digress… Fortunately, I see each day as a new day, each week as a new week, each month as a new month and a new time to renew, to recommit.   There is, as they say, No time like the present so why do we wait until December 31/ January 1st to make changes in our lives???

Sooooo… THAT’s how my 2013 New Year’s post started 4 weeks ago.  As you can see it’s now 4+ weeks later and I am JUST getting around to posting on my blog.  One of my goals for 2013 was to get better with my blogging.  I wanted to post this in a timely manner.  I wanted to start 2013 off on time, with a blog post about time.  And in spite of my best efforts, here I am in the second month of the year FINALLY getting this post completed.  This brings me to the point of my post then (on December 31st) and now.  TIME, as we know it, is really all a farce designed to help us TRY to control that which is really out of our control.

I mean think about it… Our years, our days, our clocks have all been MANipulated.   The calculation of leap year has changed drastically over the centuries, every year we spring forward and fall back, and if you go to a country that is not based in Christianity, the years are completely different and it is NOT 2013.  When it comes to time, it all depends on who you ask, where you are and what you believe.  Who decided that THIS should mark MY new year?

Time, as we know it, truly is an illusion and it creates stress in many lives. It created stress for me as I felt like the time had passed for me to write a New Year’s post. But then I remembered that this is perfect timing. There is no deadline here.  Sometimes we have to learn that OUR time is not DIVINE time and its divine time and order that really make the difference.  Sometimes we have to learn to be patient, to wait, and to take things as they come.  This does not mean that we don’t move or take action.  It just means that sometimes we have to understand that OUR time is not the ONLY time nor is it necessarily the right time.  Sometimes we need to slow down and sometimes we even need to sit and wait. This is a lesson I am learning right now.  I used to live by the clock. I remember hearing the adage:  “To be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late, and to be late is unthinkable.”  I said it. I believed it.  And I lived by it.

These days I am learning that sometimes it’s okay to be off time.  What about you?? Do you ever get caught up in the web of time? Does it ever create stress in your life?  It’s okay to slow down. It’s okay to stretch out deadlines and watch things as they unfold.   It’s okay to take a break, to take a nap, to have a moment of silence and to enjoy the calm before the storm.

As with all things… birth has a lesson to teach us about time.  Babies come when they are ready if we allow them to.  Other blessings in our lives move in much the same way. When we force the process we often end up with a mess.  We have to learn patience. We have to have faith. We have to learn to keep a watchful eye while allowing things to unfold as they may. We have to be vigilant, ever ready to move when the time is right.  And sometimes… as any midwife knows… all you can do, need to do, have to do, is sit on your hands and allow time to tell.

Some may think this is late in coming but ummmmm Happy New Year!!??!! LOL
Here’s to a great year where every day is a new day to start anew and to Birth Something Beautiful.

Monday Musing – still no lights / Our babies are dying

So this evening I sit using my cell phone to write a quick post for an evening Monday Musing.  I am using my phone and will post this without ever seeing it on a computer screen. This is not something I normally do but since I still have no power since Hurricaine Isaac *SCREAMING* its my only option. Yes I could go to a friends who has power but they are dealing with their own mess and that’s not really the issue. I had plans to write a really nice post about the fact that today all across the country women protested for women centered care for the Improving Birth Rally as a part of Empowered Birth Awareness Week.

My post was not going to be really about these rallies directly  but was going to be more about the fact that this is the beginning of Infant Mortality Awareness Month and most of the women participating in those protests don’t even realize it. I applaud the organizers for their work they have done to empower women to have better birth experiences. Their work helps all women and were it not for Isaac I would have participated here in Louisiana.  Mother friendly care can have a positive impact on infant mortality.

I know that some of the women who participated nation wide may have known but as I purused the facebook pages and websites…. Not one word. Not one solid word about the fact that its Infant Mortality Awareness month.Not one slogan for a sign that mentioned the connection between infant mortality and quality care.

Am I fully surprised? Not really and that’s the unfortunate part. It brings me back to some posts that asked the question “when will you care?” When will you care that the United States ranks behind 40 other nations when recent infant mortality  stats are compared.  When will we get a national rally to save OUR babies who die greater than twice the rate of white babies???  When will you care??

I would link to it… but since I’m on my PHONE.   WITH. NO. POWER and no real internet access….! I will invite you to search for it in my archives *_*

Its a real question.though When will you care? And if you rallied today… Honestly… Did you know it was Infant Mortality Awareness Month?

Monday Musing ~ Educating at the Baby Fest

Over the weekend I participated in a Family and Baby Fest in Texas.  I was a featured speaker and had a booth where I was able to interact directly with event attendees.  It was wonderful making new contacts, meeting new people and most of all speaking with women about their pregnancy and birth experiences.

I spoke with a LOT of women who shared various stories of pregnancy and birth.  The stories I heard reminded me while we are making strides, we still have a LOT of work to do as we help women feel empowered during their pregnancy and birth experiences.  We have to continue to support women in their birth choices and makes sure that we continue to shatter the myths and bring truth to women so they can Birth Something Beautiful™.  I decided to share three of  the many stories below:

Mom #1
I overheard this mom say to my friend who was helping with my booth… “I was SLASHED open three times and I am all done with having babies.”  My heart sank. I could hear the pain in her voice.  She did not say she had three c/sections.  She did not call them operative deliveries. Instead she said she was “slashed” open. We spoke and she shared her story…

Birth #1 – She had an unscheduled c/section due to slow progress.  She received a call a few months later from a friend, who was a Labor nurse on the unit working the night of her birth. This friend told her flat out… Her c/section was done because the MD was in some sort of mood.  The MD came to the unit and basically decided all of the women who were still in labor at that time would have c/sections. There were three of them one after another.  Her friend told her she probably would have delivered vaginally with a more patient doctor and a little more time. Her second birth was within 14 months of her first. She was told a VBAC was too dangerous because her deliveries were too close together.  Her third birth was a scheduled c/section because no one in her area supports VBA2C.  (A vaginal birth after two cesareans)

She shared with me the physical and emotional pain she has endured during, between and after her c/sections. She shared how her feelings have been discounted. How she was called crazy for wanting to attempt at VBA2C. She is still in pain. It made me sad. I gave her information for International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN) and hope that she will reach out to them to share her story with others and to provide her with a space of healing.

If you are still healing emotionally and physically from a cesarean section, I encourage you to reach out to the ICAN chapter in your area and even consider going to one of their conferences.  You are not alone.

 Mom #2
I was speaking to this mom about the fact that women often have more choices than their doctor may tell them about. She informed me that she was having a scheduled c/section so she didn’t really think she had many options/choices. I informed her that indeed there ARE things that you can request even if having a planned cesarean.  I talked to her about the gentle cesarean and making a birth plan for her upcoming c/section.  I asked her about the indication for her c/section.  The conversation follows below. Note:  it is not verbatim…

Me:  So why are you having a cesarean?
Her:  Oh I have to get an ovary removed so my doctor just figures I should have it done all at the same time
Me:  *Blank Stare* Huh?  Just so you know that is NOT an indication for a c/section … I don’t understand is this your first baby?
Her:   Yes my first baby… That’s what my doctor told me.  I also had major back surgery years ago so with both of those things my doctor really just felt like this would be best.
Me:  Ohhhh so  you wouldn’t be able to get an epidural if you wanted one?
Her:  Oh no… I checked on that and I was told getting an epidural would not be a problem.
Me:  So wait… You can get an epidural if you want one and so basically the only reason your doctor is telling you that he wants to do a c/section is because he wants to remove an ovary?
Her:  Nodding in agreement
Me:  Well I don’t want you to think I am trying to undermine your doctor but you REALLY need to ask some questions about this. Ovary removal is NOT a major abdominal surgery and it is definitely not  a reason for a c/section. C/sections come with a number of risks for you and baby and if you don’t need one you don’t want one.  You REALLY need to ask your doctor about this. This is the very reason I do pregnancy coaching as a part of my work.  I want to help women know when, where, and how to get to the TRUTH about what their doctor is telling them.  What your doctor is telling you is not all true. Getting an ovary removed and having a history of back surgery is NOT a reason you would need a cesarean.  You have to question him.
Her:  *Blank Stare*   WOW… you have given me a LOT to think about
*Walks away slowly, visibly disturbed by the new awareness*

I think this conversation pissed me off the most on Saturday afternoon. I felt so bad for her and really hope she challenges her doctor about this.  Removing an ovary during a c/section if the c/section is REQUIRED is an okay thing. Telling a first time mom that she NEEDS a c/section because she also needs an ovary removed is NOT okay.

Mom #3
This is the mom I am most happy about. She spoke to me about her desire for a home birth. She told me how she tried to find a home birth provider but was unable to do so because she has Medicaid. Medicaid does not cover home birth and she cannot afford the out of pocket cost (approximately $4000.)  She was well informed and shared stories of the reactions of the various doctors she has been interviewing. The ones she found so far are NOT supportive of natural birth.  One practically told her  “You can’t do that here” As she described the natural birth she wanted.

Earlier in the day I had been speaking with the wonderful women of the Beaumont Breastfeeding Coalition and KNEW that they would be able to help this couple.  I introduced this couple to soon to be midwife Amy of the Coalition and she immediately told them about a birth center about 1.5 hours away that accepts Medicaid.  Being a first time mom we assured her… she has PLENTY time to get there once labor started.  It felt good to do this. To connect a mom in need to a viable option that will allow her to Birth Something Beautiful™.

This last conversation happened near the end of the Expo.  It was a wonderful way to end the event. I spoke to many moms that day.  I hope something I said moved them into action to ask questions, to seek answers, and to learn the truth about childbirth in America.

Have you been to any baby expos lately? Did you learn something new or help a mom find a solution? Share your expo story!

Monday Musing… In Support of Home Birth

About a week and a half ago I doula’d a wonderful sista…  We’ll call her Baby J’s Mom.  It was FABULOUS.   She had no medications during labor.  Her significant other was present and cut the baby’s umbilical cord. She nursed her newborn shortly after birth. She expressed satisfaction in the way her labor and birth happened as she got pretty much everything she wanted except the use of the large labor tub at the hospital which she didnt use because she delivered within an hour of arriving to the hospital.  She gave me permission to write a post about her birth and so here it is. I wanted to share her story because while she was happy with her birth experience, it was a perfect example of why many women should and do stay home to birth their babies…. Following is not the complete birth story but hopefully it’s enough to paint the picture. This is indeed a post In Support of Home birth.

Baby J’s Mom initially called me around 2:30 am. “I think it’s starting. I’m having contractions,” she told me.  I offered to join her and she declined at that time saying she would be okay alone.  She called me back almost four hours later and I could hear the difference in her voice. I jumped into action.  I arrived to her home around 6:45 AM. She was rockin and rollin!! Around 8 AM she wanted to be checked.  She was 8 cm.  We headed to the hospital where the basic routines ensued.

A medical history/interview was done with what seemed like 100 questions…  most not pertinent to the immediate business at hand.  There were a slew of papers to sign “Hold off on that one… you said you wanted to wait until the pediatrician’s office to ask about that remember?”   Oh yea she replies and then decides to give consent on the spot anyway. The Electronic Fetal Monitor was applied and her IV was started.  She told me, as many women in transition do, that she sort of, kind of, wanted an epidural. With that, her nurse started an IV Bolus and ordered labs.  I could tell by the speed of the nurse’s activity that she was going through the motions with little hope that Baby J’s Mom would be in labor long enough to actually get an epidural.  And she did not have to worry because before the labs were even drawn, the doctor was there ready to “get her into stirrups.”

He arrived ready for delivery even though no one… not Baby J’s Mom, not the nurse, not me, no one called him for delivery or led him to believe that Baby J’s Mom was ready to birth her baby.  Aw no need for an epidural he said.  You can just get this all done and be finished with the pain.  Initially, from the outside it may have seemed like he knew her plan for an un-medicated birth and was being supportive.  BUT…  if you know like I know…. You understand that he was really being impatient.  He knew if she proceeded to get the epidural, her delivery would have been delayed at least an hour, possibly more as we waited for lab results to be obtained and the epidural to be placed.

He had no patience for birth and after doing one vaginal check on Baby J’s Mom he began coaching her to do long, closed-glottis, purple-faced pushing even though she had NO.   URGE.   TO.   PUSH!!!!  As she pushed, he placed his hand inside of her vagina and gave counter pressure against her cervix to make her dilate faster. His hand, and the counter pressure he applied caused more pain than the baby and the contractions themselves.  I made a few comments and asked a few questions out loud to encourage Baby J’s Mom to speak up about the pain and to remind the doctor that she was not a vagina. She is a woman, and while yes she is a STRONG woman, she is a woman with feelings in spite of the fact that she was not yelling out in pain.

After a few contractions this way, Baby J’s Mom had an urge to push and in a few pushes Baby J was born.  “A” (her significant other) cut the cord, which was one of the biggest goals for this birth, and Baby J was placed on mom’s chest.

In spite of having NO medications on board, the baby had a difficult transition after birth and needed a little help to get her to breathe.  Some may argue that it was good that we were in the hospital because they had the necessary oxygen set up to help the baby.  For those of you who don’t know, that same oxygen set up IS available during a home birth and the midwives who do home births are more than equipped to handle such a situation.  What’s even more important to note here… as we speak in support of home birth … a mother without medication, except for the VERY  VERY  VERY  rare occasion needs no coaching or instruction on when or how to push.  Women know when and how to push and waiting and allowing the woman to guide the second stage of labor as she feels an urge to push changes things and as she follows her body’s direction, her pushing will not usually include the long closed glottis “purple pushing”  that can effectively cut off oxygen to the baby for thirty seconds or more.  I’m sure that had something to do with the way Baby J responded after delivery.  Additionally, if we had waited until the cord stopped pulsating Baby J’s transition may have been a lot easier.   The idea of waiting for the cord to stop pulsating is not done routinely in hospitals here.   At home Baby J’s Mom would not have been pushing without an urge. She would have followed her body’s cues of when to push. Her pushing stage would have been shorter.  The cord would not have been cut until after it stopped pulsating.   I can’t say for certain how Baby J would have done with these changes.  What I can say is research supports the notion that the resuscitation would not have been necessary.

Moving on… I was still at the head of the bed with Baby J’s Mom and I noticed the physician was doing a LOT around the delivery of the placenta and I thought… Is she bleeding?? Then, I realized the placenta had not been delivered and in his haste he had pulled the umbilical cord and it completely detached from the placenta.   Now he was attempting to remove it manually and until I made a statement to question what was happening he wasn’t even interested in telling her.  A mother without an epidural can certainly birth her placenta spontaneously, even if the cord has detached. In the hospital world however, when this happens the solution is always manual removal of the placenta… this means the doctor has to place his hand and forearm into mom’s vagina to remove her placenta from the inside of her uterus  with his/her hand.   This is NOT a pleasant experience as one can imagine. Had he been patient and simply waited for signs of placental separation instead of rushing to pull it out this would have been avoided.  During home birth this would not have happened.  Yes women have retained placentas during home births. But not because the midwife was impatient and pulled off the cord within minutes of the birth.

Baby J’s Mom expressed satisfaction with her birth experience.  She felt empowered.   She was happy her boyfriend cut the cord.  She was happy she did not get medicated. She was a rock star! And when it was all over I said to myself…. She DEFINITELY could have stayed home and next time I hope she will.  Her birth story IMO is a great example of how many of the birth “emergencies” we hear about are iatrogenic supporting the FACT that you may truly be better off at home. I hope you will consider these things as your plan your next birth.

Did something happen during your birth that you know was iatrogenic… caused by the doctor or hospital staff… something that would have been avoided had you stayed home?  Share your story… In Support of Home Birth.