Category Archives: Monday Musings

Monday Musing: Erykah… Ebony… And a Missed Opportunity…

Posted on April 2, 2012 | 6 Comments

A couple of weeks ago I was standing in line at the grocery store and picked up the March issue of Ebony Magazine. I picked it up initially because of the cover. It featured Samuel L. Jackson as the “King of Hollywood” looking fine as ever wit his bad ass…. But I digress…

As I flipped the pages, I noticed there was an article about Erykah Badu and her road to midwifery.  Suddenly I was “forced” to purchase the issue. I’m always happy to see anything positive about midwives in mainstream media, especially outlets that are widely read by black women. I was surprised to see the article and wondered why no one in my birth circles had talked about it…Or… I thought to myself, maybe they did, and I was simply under a rock. Regardless, I made the purchase and decided I would read the article later that day… which ultimately jus became later… Two weeks later.

Once I read the article, I  was truly disappointed.  The article did not speak at all about the benefits of midwifery care, or the benefits of hiring a doula. It said nothing of perinatal disparities and the need for black women to get more involved and to take more control over their birth experiences. The article gave information that could easily be misunderstood/misinterpreted. And aside from the fact that the article featured Erykah Badu, who is a wonderful role model and spokesperson for normal birth… the article did a disservice to birth professionals, to black women and to #BlackBirth in general IMHO.

It is well known that back babies and black mammas nationwide have the worst perinatal outcomes, yet somehow when Ebony decided to write an article about midwifery they left these facts out.  We have heard the statistic before. The national infant mortality rate is approximately 6.42 infant deaths per 1,000 live births. The rate for caucasian babies is less than the national average at around 5.3 deaths per 1,000 births while the rate for black babies is DOUBLE the national average with greater than 12 black babies dying per 1,000 births. In some states as many as 16 black babies die!!  Prematurity is the leading cause of infant mortality for black babies.  There are a host of reasons black women find themselves at increased risk for premature birth.  Ebony didn’t mention any of that.

Ebony left out information about the benefits of midwifery care and doulas.  They didn’t mention that research has shown repeatedly that Midwifery care with its attention to detail and focus on people and families not just bellies and babies, can turn birth disparities around.  Check out the work of one of my Midwife Sheroes Jennie Joseph for proof.   They left out advice about choosing a better doctor and getting better outcomes. Yep…. They left all of this out, all while doing things like calling a fetoscope a “maternity stethoscope”

I mentioned my annoyance to a couple of folk and their take on it was… “Well… This was an article about Erykah Badu not midwifery and pregnancy.” My thought… It was an article about Erykah and her path to midwifery… The two cannot be separated.   I thought to myself, maybe if they had covered these topics else where in the issue it would have been better.

Not five pages after the article on Erykah there was the “Wellness /Spirituality” section. Personally I can think of nothing that matches these two categories simultaneously more than midwifery. Yet… As I flipped through this section there is no word of pregnancy, birth, doulas, or midwives.

There was an article about Vitamin D.  Not a word about the research surrounding vitamin d deficiency and pre eclampsia; A serious pregnancy issue that disproportionately affects black women. There was even a blurb about clean teeth and heart attacks.  Again no mention of pregnancy, birth and the VERY STRONG link between dental hygiene and pre term labor.  Remember… preterm birth is the number one reason for infant mortality for black babies.

I was disappointed that Ebony fell short…waaaayyyy short.

They missed an opportunity to educate not only black women of child-bearing age but black families everywhere. And for that I say shame on you Ebony. Here was an opportunity to really serve the women who read your magazine and it was missed. I hope next time it will be different.

Did you read the Ebony Article? Do you feel like they missed an opportunity to help women Birth Something Beautiful™?  I sure do.

Welp… that’s my musing for this week…. Make it a GREAT one!
Don’t forget to follow me on twitter I’m @SistaMidiwfe

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Posted in Monday Musings, Perinatal Disparities, Pregnancy & Birth

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Monday Musing… Don’t Change That Date!

Posted on January 23, 2012 | 4 Comments

Over the years I have heard a lot of pretty ridiculous things OB providers have told women. I have heard women verbally bullied and virtually forced into hospitalizations, procedures, inductions, tests, etc in the name of “safe obstetrics.”  The other day I was completely enraged because I was reminded, some doctors are taking the bull shit to a whole new level.  I’m convinced many of them REALLY believe women are stupid and incapable of making good decisions. 

I have a friend whose sister is pregnant.  During a recent conversation I asked about her sister.  I was especially concerned since the last time we spoke her sister was being referred to the MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine high risk folks) because something on her early ultrasound was suspicious for downs syndrome. 

My Friend:  ”Well… that  issue (The Downs Syndrome) has been resolved apparently because they have discharged her from the MFM BUT…. Now, the new thing is… her doctor is telling her he thinks she is going to have the baby early…. “

ME:  “HUH?? WHY??? What do you mean??? Shit… he is already setting her up mentally for an induction…  What’s her due date?” 

My Friend:  “Well it was March 8th but at her last appointment he felt like she might go in early. Told her she might be ready around February 28th”

ME:   *gasp* “Are you F-Bomb kidding me??!! That’s bull-shit. She had multiple ultrasounds with the MFM. If her due date needed to be changed they would have said something.  You don’t just all of a sudden change somebody’s due date at this stage. He is setting your sister up so he can schedule an induction. She will be 39 weeks then. That’s some straight bullshit. Tell your sister to call me.”

My Friend:  “Wow…. She has said she definitely doesn’t want to be induced”

Me:  Well he is playing games and setting her up for an induction. Putting bull shit in her head now makes it easier for him later. Tell your sister to call me…

I was pissed!!!  The bottom line is this:  The earlier the ultrasound, the more accurate the estimated “due date” (EDD) Each time you get another ultrasound it is possible that they will give you a new “due date.”   Regardless of the so-called new due date your original due date DOES.   NOT.   CHANGE. 

Ultrasounds and their ability to predict due dates are affected by a number of things including but not limited to:  the skill of the person doing the ultrasound, what they measure to obtain the date, the approximate gestational age of your growing baby, and the percentile growth or size of your infant.

Most women these days get at least two ultrasounds.  The first ultrasound, usually called your “dating ultrasound” is done as early as possible.  If it’s done during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, it is the best predictor, after the date of your last menstrual period (LMP), of your EDD.  It is pretty accurate to a few days.  If the difference between your LMP due date and your first trimester ultrasound due date is more than a week, your provider will assign the ultrasound due date. If the difference is less than a week, they should go with your LMP date but many don’t. IMO its because they are more comfortable with technology than they are believing a woman knows her cycle but that’s a post for another day.

Some where between 18-22 weeks most women receive their second ultrasound, often called an anatomy scan.  As your baby grows and is somewhere on either side of “average” this anatomy scan may produce a different EDD, but it does NOT  really CHANGE your due date.  An ultrasound at this gestational age is not as accurate as the earlier ultrasound.   If you have a good ultrasound during the first twelve weeks of pregnancy, there should be no reason to change your due date.

After the first trimester, ultrasounds have a margin of error of up to 10 days.  After 26 weeks of pregnancy that margin of error increases to THREE  WEEKS!!! That’s up to 3 weeks wrong in either direction.  This means if you did not have an early ultrasound, and you don’t know your LMP, and you get an ultrasound that says you are 32 weeks… you could be anywhere between 29 and 35 weeks. That is the nature of the ultrasounds.

If you had your initial ultrasound during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, or shortly thereafter, be VERY leery if your provider wants to change your date, especially to an earlier date.  Just because your baby may “measure big” does not mean that your baby is gestationally older. It just means you have a baby on the high side of average.  (Not that “measuring big” is all that accurate anyway but that’s also a post for another day)  If you are like my friend’s sister, and you had multiple ultrasounds, and all of a sudden your provider tells you they need to make your due date earlier… all I can say is RUN!!!  Or at a minimum get to asking some SERIOUS questions. Your birth experience and may depend on it.

Were you constantly confused because your due date kept changing? Were you induced because of a new due date that made you  ”post dates?”  I would love to hear about it.

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Posted in Monday Musings, Pregnancy & Birth

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Stop Bey Bashing and Focus on Helping Women Birth Something Beautiful™

Posted on January 9, 2012 | 5 Comments

WOW!!! So much is being said re: Beyonce’s birth. I didn’t even know she had given birth until I got to my computer this afternoon.  And folks have been goin HAM.  I guess I have been too busy dealing with the issues in MY life to know what was happening. But after a few tweets and FB postings I was FORCED  ;-) to read an article or two, or three LOL…

But seriously folks… every woman has a right to Birth Something Beautiful™ in the way she thinks is best for herself and her family.   I want a home birth. Some think that’s crazy. She had a c/section  and unless HIPPA laws have been broken that’s about all we really know. (UPDATE… apparently we know little to nothing… Sooo  she didnt have a c/section per this article… which is one of my points anyway)  So lay off… get a life…  and let’s focus on the mothers and babies that  NEED our attention; The ones that can’t afford to block off an entire hospital floor.  The babies too numerous to count that never reach their first birthdays. The mothers that remain virtually nameless in our larger society because so few of us really KNOW a woman who died from complications of childbirth.  Let’s lend our attention, our focus, our blogging, our voices  to the real issues around birth. Stop bashing Beyonce for the decision she made (especially since we don’t know the details of her experience) and let’s focus on  educating as many women as we can so that they will have the information THEY need to make wise choices for themselves and their births.  Now take a listen to Glory as father Jay-Z celebrate lyrically the birth of his daughter. 

While you are listening… think about the REAL issues and ask yourself what have YOU done TODAY to help make sure that the pregnant girl down the street or the pregnant woman in your office building has the information SHE needs to make informed decisions.   As Birth Advocates who are against the unnecessary medicalization of birth, our job is not to spew hate, make accusations, and judge. Rather we are here to help, to love, and to support women Birth Something Beautiful™.  Let’s go make THAT happen! :-)

In Birth and Love
Nicole ~ Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @SistaMidwife

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Posted in Lessons from BIRTH, Monday Musings, Pregnancy & Birth

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Monday Musing ~ Who are Your Cheerleaders?

Posted on July 11, 2011 | 6 Comments

Over the weekend I had the opportunity to have a great time sharing ideas, thoughts, and ummmm a couple of drinks with Jill from The
Unnecessarean.  I assume most, if not all of you know her. If not,  I suggest you  get over to her blog and take a read…

Anyway…..Let me back track and then bring you up to date…  A few weeks ago, I had a REALLY bad experience at work. I cried, NO… actually I sobbed uncontrollably the entire 30 minute drive home.  I felt at the time I really had
no-one to share my FULL feelings with.  I did share the experience with my mother and my co-workers of course were there and while they did what they could to be “supportive,” they just don’t always “get it.”  They don’t  “FEEL it” the way I do if you know what I mean.  The truth is, outside of us birth junkies, not many do.  This is not the first time this has happened, but for some reason it was one of the hardest times in a very long while.  (perhaps I will tell the story another day).

This experience in an instant, reminded me why I really don’t like working in the hospital. It also reminded me that it is important for individuals in this birth advocacy work to stay connected to others in birth advocacy work.  It reminded me that we must continuously remain in contact with and surround ourselves with people who are supportive of our experiences, and can understand our hurts and setbacks.   Success and business coaches always say things about your
circle of influence. They remind you that if you want to be a successful entrepreneur, you need to have successful entrepreneurs in your circle of influence. You needto have mentors who have been successful, and you need to have a “team” that is supportive of what you are doing; individuals who will ultimately be your cheerleaders, your pep squad, and advocates.

So what does all this have to do with Jill you may be asking.  Well Thursday I read an email and knew that she would be in town for a minute and wanted to connect on Friday night.  I had the opportunity to go to work at the hospital and while I don’t like the job, it is a temporary fixture that pays my bills so I tolerate it and thank the Universe for it! I could have certainly used the money.

What I realized I needed more in that moment, was an infusion of positive birth energy. I need a hug, a smile, to remind me that what I feel, where I stand on birth, and what I believe are not crazy thoughts. I needed to be reminded that I don’t overreact to things at work and that YES! the birth system in this country is VERY warped.  I needed one of my “cheerleaders” to remind me that the work I am doing and trying to do is not in vain.  I needed to be reminded that sometimes it is slow moving, sometimes, it’s hard, and sometimes you feel alone and then a  simple email, a hug, conversation, shared ideas, a few drinks and lots of laughs  can remind you that we are all in this together.  I am DEFINITELY one of Jill’s cheerleaders. I think she is one of THE best Birth bloggers out there.  After we met in October in at the ICTC conference in Long Beach I think it’s safe for me to say she became one of mine :D   It was so great to hang out with her Friday. She gave me a much needed boost of birth energy to keep moving forward.   Our time together reminded me that I need to remain more connected to the birth advocacy community and I need to speak more often to my mentors, women who have been doing this work LONG before I even thought about it.  I need to also stay more connected to my cheerleaders.

Who are your cheerleaders?  We all need them. We need individuals who love us, who appreciate us, who support us. We need people who can give constructive criticism and advice. And we need individuals to provide the shoulders that we cry on and lean on.  Making room for naysayers, for haters, for negative people and small minds does not advance our cause. Instead that holds us back and creates self doubt.

I have come to find this is true in life, in business and as I always like to point out… as it is in life, so it is in birth…. Who is on your birth cheerleading squad? Do they support your birth ideas or are they naysayers?  Be careful of who you allow in your birth space – More on this later….

Now… Lets all Go Forth and Birth Something Beautiful!!

Nicole
Don’t forget to follow me on twitter @SistaMidwife

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Posted in Lessons from BIRTH, Monday Musings

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Monday Musing: Looking 4 Balance ~ or ~ Finding That Sweet Spot

Posted on June 6, 2011 | Leave a comment

Finding balance…. that seems to be the newest theme in my life.  While I have always worked toward living a balanced life this whole concept has most certainly moved permanently into my consciousness over the past 4-5 weeks.

What does it mean to live a balanced life?  To me it means having enough time to get the MUST do’s  and the HAVE to do’s done while leaving time to do some of the WANT to do’s, some of the WISH I could do’s and then when it’s all done in full balance there remains a little time left over to do absolutely nothing.  Being busy is nothing new for me. I have had periods that have certainly been busy in my life and no matter how busy I have always found a way to balance. The past few weeks however, have proven to be a new test: 

I officially started a new job that has me feeling like I am in grad school again with the amount of reading, studying, emailing, and reports I have to write. (Not complaining BTW. I think I’m going to really like this job and what it offers)

I am still working my old job.  Not often. Just once a week on average but it is still something on my list of MUST dos and I still don’t like the job so that does not do well for a balanced Spirit.

I am working to maintain my blog which you can see has not been happening the way I would like it to.

I am still working to re-start my Sista Midwife Pregnancy Coaching business that got side tracked last year because of “trademark” mess.

I am the South East Rep for ICTC and along with basic membership/leadership duties, I am helping to plan the ICTC regional summit that will be taking place in October in Biloxi MS. There are many things that I should be doing as the SE rep but time has not permitted them and so those things remain on my WILL do one day in the future list LOL

I needed to really start getting my work out on. I am waaaayyy out of shape and so I have recently put this on my MUST do list instead of my WANT to do list. It’s been GREAT for my body, spirit, and soul.

I have emptied my storage unit and moved the boxes/things into my mother’s living room.  While she is happy to help me, I know it will only be a matter of time before I am hearing “How long do you think it will be before you get through all these boxes?” LOL…

Keep in mind this is the short list. I am not going to mention the 2009/2010 income tax issues that I am still dealing with, or the house in another state that still needs renovation and the many other things on my back burner….

AND…. Let’s not forget that I would like some sort of social life when possible.  And I don’t even have children yet… OMG!!!  LOL…. Only heaven knows how the mother’s do it especially the single mothers. God Bless THEM!!! Each and every one of you….

 Okay… getting back to the point… Yep for me… the past 5 weeks have been something else… My plate of responsibilities is piled high and while I am eating, some days it seems like the pile is only getting higher.  I continue to re-evaluate the things on my list. I look at how I am approaching them and I continue to look for ways to work smarter not harder. I continue to ask myself how can I find balance. How can I find the space I want to be in, while moving forward with peace of mind all while getting things done with the level of excellence that I expect of myself.

I am working on the solution and day by day things are falling into place. I know one thing for sure, if I keep eating things one at a time, the plate will get clear. (Yes, I know… it will be cleared and then I will go back for seconds LOL) I also know that some things need to be removed and given away, shared, or put down the garbage disposable and I am working on that too HA! :D

When I think about balance in life I often think about doing yoga.  With many of the one legged balancing poses there is that sweet spot that you look for.  As your practice grows, you find a balancing pose becomes easier and easier until you find that sweet spot.  Once you find it, you love to do the pose. You are at peace in the pose, you breathe easy and you feel like you could hold that pose forever.  That’s forever until you modify it to a more advanced version and then you are back at square one until you find another sweet spot.

Life is kind of like that to me.  We add things and remove things from our plates and we have to learn to re-balance as we grow and advance. We have to re-prioritize and re-organize to find that point of balance; That sweet spot if you will.  The way I see it, looking for that sweet spot is a part of life’s journey.  It’s just the way it is. We can choose to continue to teeter and totter until we find that sweet spot or we can give up and fall down.  I think I am going to continue to teeter and totter. It’s a little crazy at times but ultimately I think life is more fun that way.

What about you?? Are you looking for balance in your life or have you found your Sweet Spot? What things have worked for you to find balance when you feel like you are about to fall off the ledge?

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